Supersize me

I think that maybe it's about time I start eating real food - like milk, bread, vegetables, fruit... you know, stuff like that. I attribute this poor diet to a number of things - none of which are my fault, of course.

[#1] Nothing to cook with - it's just too damn difficult to cook something as complicated as eggs unless I'm fully decked out in all the lastest gear - like a full cutlery set, a set of steak knives, some teflon-coated pans, etc. Only recently have I inherited a cooking kit, but it's still piled up in the doorway, threatening to topple over onto me whenever I walk in. It's balancing there, a law-suit-in-waiting, because I've been too scared to go near it - you see, my rice cooker is evil.

[#2] I have an evil rice cooker - My rice cooker is possessed. And it's not just me who thinks so - a number of people have marvelled at it (from a distance). Why do I think this? 2 reasons. First - it's been sitting on a shelf for a few weeks, unplugged, collecting dust - BUT IT'S STILL ON!!! It works, operational and everything, no battery, and it is not plugged in. Secondly - I swear, it moved when I wasn't looking. At one point it was near the door, acting all innocent in that demon-possessed-rice-cooker kinda way, and then when I turned my back, the little bastard moved onto a box - a good metre closer to me... Admittedly, I had just completed a 5 hour drinking marathon during a nomihoudai special ("all you can drink"), but I know what I saw, and now I'm too scared to use it.

[#3] I have my doubts about the food - The closest food store (or only one I've managed to find), is the 99 Shop - where everything is 99 yen. Meat, fish, vegetables, canned pineapples, everthing. Something just feels wrong about eating meat that costs the same price as toilet paper...

[#4] I'm lazy - I think a better term for it is 'motivationally challenged'.

So I've had a bit of a binge since I've arrived in Japan - eating out at McDonalds has become an artform. Ordering isn't so difficult - unless you're a vegetarian, and then you encounter the curious Japanese notion of what actually constitutes meat... as my vegetarian friend discovered the other day.

[Vegetarian friend] Is there meat in the bagel?

[McDonalds staff] No. No meat.

[Vegetarian friend] But isn't that bacon in the picture?

[McDonalds staff] Yes it is...

But eating healthy is difficult when it's so cheap, and there is a McDonalds right near the dormitory (interestingly, it seems to have merged with a bank - why? I do not know). The other day I decided that trying to cook something complicated like eggs was just far too confusing without a full cutlery set, a set of steak knives, some teflon-coated pans, etc., so I went to McDonalds where I was greeted by a blonde blue-eyed girl behind the counter. Never in Japan have I been served by a gaijin (foreigner) - so I was taken aback. Most gaijin usually try and pass themselves off as experienced language teachers, and rip the Japanese off for five times what this girl was making at McDonalds.

She was just a trainee, she got flustered and messed up her Japanese and spat out something completely unintelligible. The manager guy looked so angry, but said nothing. Then I made the mistake of making things worse by asking her what time the store closed (in Japanese), and when she didn't understand, that started a new kind of hell for the poor girl. I think she got fired as a result, because I haven't seen her back there, and it turns out that she is also a uni student and is living in my dorm. What a fantastically small world! One of the few cute girls in the dorm to which the 'no-sleep-over' rule does not apply, and I go and embarrass her and get her fired. I gather that it's my fault because I get death looks from her when I see her walking down the Gauntlet (see below).

What makes things even better is that on thursday, I have a health checkup - in Japan, there are health checks at the schools, universities, businesses, and yesterday, I had the supreme foresight to eat McDonalds not just for breakfast, but for lunch and dinner as well. I think eating bad food must do something to your memory, because I kept on forgetting that I had already eaten at McDonalds that day... So if on thursday the doctor tells me something other than "you have two weeks to live", I'm going to consider it jolly good news...

----------I'll be looking like this come thursday---------