And so this is Christmas...

Christmas is different things to different people. For example, in Japan, Christmas Day is not a holiday, and it is something more akin to Valentines Day than it is to a religious celebration. Why? I don't know, but in Japan, Christmas is a day on which you go out on a date, and not a day to spend with family. For other people, the 25th is a celebration of the birth of Christ, a day of goodwill towards all men. For me, Christmas is about family, and whenever I spend time with family, it always means that I regress a little.

Anywhere else, I'm a 25 year old go-getter, travelling the world, entertaining law professors and judges with witty comments, and crap like that. When I come home to my parents, though, I always seem to regress into a 5 year old - see the photo to the right. The day I come back to Australia, my mum drives me to the pharmacy to get some cold medication (I brought the bird flu back to Australia... sorry), and the pharmacist asked me if I didn't mind it if the medication caused drowsiness. Mum, in all her comedic genius, piped up "That's alright. He's a teenger. They're always drowsy." She laughed. The pharmacist laughed. The cute sales girl who I had just been flirting with laughed. I was picking the shattered pieces of my pride off the floor. (The point being that I'm not, in fact, a teenager...)

So it turns out that Santa does not, in fact, ride a red sleigh, but rather, a red fire truck. I have the proof below.





The silly bastard drove up and down the street that our house is on, pelting sweets at little kids and innocent bystanders. Mum and I hurried barefoot out onto the sidewalk, dragging the dog on the leash behind us, to see if he'd throw any our way, but seeing as neither one of us looked pre-pubescent, the outlook wasn't good. Luckily, though, the devil-spawn children that live next to us came out just as Santa was about to pass our house, and he threw a bunch of sweets up into the air in our general direction... pandemonium ensued.

Mum had to keep a hold of the dogs collar so that she wouldn't eat the sweets, wrapper and all, and I had to keep a hold of mum's collar so that she wouldn't snap at the little kids who thought it might be ok to venture onto our driveway to get the sweets that came in our direction. I managed to get two and put them in my pocket, and mum got four straight away and growled at the little red haired girl who tried to get at her fifth... long story short - mum got the caramel sweet, and we haven't seen the little girl since. "Christmas is a time of goodwill towards all men", the saying goes, it does not say anything about goodwill towards little girls...

If you get bored this holiday season, why not club some penguins? (I hold the family record at 344.2 - try and beat it) Also, if you don't have any problems with dirty jokes, try listening to a christmas song from Australian comedian, Kevin Bloody Wilson... it is not the kind of song to listen to in polite company, though.

Merry Christmas,

Kallun.