True blue, dinky di Aussie!

I'm lazy I know, but I thought I'd post the new Australian Citizenship Questionnaire.

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New anti-terrorism laws: Aussie Citizenship Questionnaire

1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?

2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice or the beer in first?

3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze and ham. In 40C heat.
c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.

4. How many beers in a slab?

5. Does "yeah-nah" mean "Yes and no" or "Maybe" or "Yes I understand but No I don't agree"?

6. The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character?
a) Toadie from Neighbours
b) Alf from Home & Away
c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection

7. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
a) Once or twice
b) As often as necessary to cook
c) After each stubby
d) Until charcoal?

8. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?

9. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
a) Drinking beer a mate's place
b) Drinking beer at the beach
c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?

10. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?

11. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?

12. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?

13. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
a) Squirt and spread with finger
b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?

14. If the police raided your home would you:
a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items
b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?

15. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?

16. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?

17.Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear
b) Casual footwear
c) They're called jandals, bro?
d)Japanese Safety Boots

18. On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best? 1993, 1997, 2001 or 2005?

19. What someone is more likely to die of?
a) Red Back Spider
b) Great White Shark
c) Victorian Police Officer
d) King Brown Snake
e) Your missus after a big night
f) Dropbear?

20.How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?

21. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sahn?

22. Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter....

23. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.

24. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting
b) Don Bradman
c) John Howard
d) Makybe Diva?

25. Is it best to take a sick day:
a) When the cricket's on
b) When the cricket's on
c) When the cricket's on ?

26.What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?

27. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?

28. What are Budgie smugglers?

29.Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?

30. A "Hoppoate" is:
a) A breed of kangaroo
b) A kind of Australian "wedgie"
c) A disgraced Rugby League player?

31.What does having a 'chunder' mean?

32. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?

33. What do the following terms mean:
a) Mate?
b) Maate
c) Maaaaaaate?

34. Best Aussie name is what?
a) Cheryl
b) Charlene
c) Bazza
d) Thommo
e) Shazza

35. What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?

The Importance of Plain English

I've just finished reading George Orwell's "Why I Write and other Essays", and he made a good point about the importance of plain English. I found this site about plain language, and it has a list of example newspaper headlines that are ambiguous, and therefore funny. I've seen them before in an email someone sent me, but I thought it would be worth reproducing them here:

• Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
• Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
• Miners Refuse to Work after Death
• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
• War Dims Hope for Peace
• If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
• Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
• Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

A Global Conspiracy

Finally, the truth has come to light! I knew that there was something fishy going on when my Japanese friends and host family always giggled as they suggested that we go and eat "traditional Japanese food"...



(Thanks to Aunty M for reminding me about this)

Spectacularly unproductive

I had plans this weekend.

They were fantastic and inspiringly ambitious plans. Plans that would initiate a momentum of awesome force, such that I would have accomplished so much by Sunday night, and this momentum was to continue into the following week, and accordingly, I would have achieved so much more. And yet... I didn't manage to revise/memorise that Chinese character book I'd been meaning to for so long. I wasn't able to review the space law publication or read the book on international criminal law or make a start on "The Grapes of Wrath". And I had put so much effort into staking out a great table in the study hall on which many a page of literary genius was to be composed...

I had plans this weekend.

Ideally, it wasn't going to be a weekend of decadence and debauchery that most would forgivably associate with someone my age. But the moment a mate from high school rocked up in Tokyo and called me at home, all my plans promptly evaporated into thin air... Until I woke up this afternoon at just before 1pm to go to a lunch with friends, I hadn't seen daylight for 3 days. That's not entirely true - I did see sunrise on Saturday morning as I was leaving a club (or as much of a sunrise as can be seen in the middle of skyscraper-Tokyo), but I'm not sure that this really counts.

It was a good weekend, though, even if it didn't go according to plan.

Salsa

Personally, I think it's amazing - I can go to Central America and spend an entire month going out every night, and not once step foot into a salsa dance club, and yet, the moment I get back into Japan, I arrange to go to salsa dance classes. And so that's what I did last night.

Never have I been to a bar/club where the women vastly outnumber the men. I was kinda worried at first though, because the only people that were there were myself, an Australian girl and 2 other guys... and with that kind of gender ratio, and salsa not being a group dance, it was looking likely that the Israeli ex-army dude and I would have to have a very heated discussion about gender reassignment. Luckily, a bunch of Japanese girls joined the class, and the Israeli guy and I didn't have to stress about which one of us would be twirling the other.

It all went really well. You would have to be very generous to call what I was doing "dancing", but I had fun, and I didn't step on any toes, so that was good. At one point, the Australian girl in the class said that I danced like an Australian guy... which, to an Australian guy, is a compliment, but I was told later that it wasn't meant as one. When I go back next week, I have high hopes that when I dance I'm going to be able to move my legs AND my arms at the same time.