Internet Translations Is Bestest!!

I edit a certain Japanese law journal every year, and each year I get increasingly frustrated with the authors that contribute to the journal, I feel like a little part inside me dies each time... like my soul is slowly being drowned in a sea of grammatical errors and damn stupid spelling mistakes.

Some of the mistakes are forgivable - the authors are Japanese, and they are set the task of translating their own work into English, and then I turn it into real English and give their turn of phrase a certain poetic polish. SOME of their mistakes are forgivable. I have, however, pooled all my money and ordered a hit on one particular author, who I shall give the apt nom de plume - Mr. I - shall - beat - the - living - crap - out - of - you - if - ever - I - meet - you - face - to - face. The reason for my underlying hostility towards Mr. I - shall - beat - the - living - crap - out - of - you - if - ever - I - meet - you - face - to - face is that he doesn't even attempt to translate things into English. Instead, he runs them through some random machine translator on the Internet, and then sends me the end result (lazy bloody bastard bloody beat the bloody living crap out of his lazy bloody....). I've long suspected it, but after his email to me today, I'm positive.

Hello,

Very thank you for having my writing checked very in detail.
Only one being worrisome is that both of terms are intermingled.
I think that it is satisfactory individually even if it unifies into either.
I think that I would like you to unify into either if it was semantically satisfactory specially even if it does so.

Kind regards,

Mr. I-shall-beat-the-living-crap-out-of-you-if-ever-I-meet-you-face-to-face

And don't even getting me started on the plagiarism and complete lack of referencing...