Sensibility versus Sanity

My master plan was brilliantly devised and yet deceptively simple. The strategy that I had cleverly crafted in order to survive the IT orientation presentation today involved supplies (an assortment of foodstuffs and carbonated liquid refreshments), various reading materials (designed to offset the mental numbness that would undoubtedly ensue) and prior planned seating arrangements towards the very back of the room (located to leave me partially obscured by a pillar and the heads of my fellow audience members). Supplies in hand, I marched triumphant into the classroom.

Or rather, the empty classroom.

Or so I thought, until a solitary head popped out from behind the lectern. “Good,” the head proclaimed, “lets get started with the presentation, shall we?”

My instincts screamed at me to run: run far and run fast. Just as the Forest Gump music started to play in my mind, the neurons in my brain fired into action, and explained that if I didn’t stay, I’d be doomed to yet another year of not being able to access the internet at university – no email, no law database, no YouTube…

The head behind the lectern (which I later discovered was attached to an actual body) stared at me, perplexed. No doubt confused at my sudden onset of paralysis; oblivious to my inner turmoil; ignorant of the war that waged within between my intellect and my instincts – the opposing forces of sensibility and sanity…

Sensibility roared victorious: Sanity lay in tatters on the imaginary ground in my mind, limp and lifeless. I collapsed defeated in the nearest seat in the empty room, tears welling in my eyes.

“This is a table,” the bodied head exclaimed, pointing to a photo of what was indeed a table.
“You can put your laptop on this table. This is an internet connection. You can plug your laptop into the internet connection. In order to do so, however, you need a cable.”
A picture of a blue cable appears on the projector screen (see below). “But not this cable,” he cautioned, “this is the wrong type of cable. You need a different type of cable. Now this is a printer...”
The picture of the offending cable disappeared, and was replaced with a clipart cartoon representation of what could generously be called a printer. It’s really anyone’s guess what the correct cable might actually look like…

I think I died a little today.

----A picture of the offending cable----