My pole-dancing girlfriend

I went and saw Batman Begins the other day at Virgin Cinemas in Roppongi Hills. I don't like to think too much about the movie, because the more I do so, the more I come up with things I didn't like about it, and I prefer to be blissfully ignorant (like I am about many things in my life). Anyway, the lady at Virgin Cinemas gave me a discounted ticket for only 1000 yen when even high school students have to pay 1500 yen, and every other mortal my age has to pay 1800 yen. Here was me thinking that my superhuman good looks now had a fiscal value to it, but it turns out that this is the price they charge all exchange students... why? I don't know, but they do, and I ain't gonna complain.

Anyway, on my way home, I was trying to make my way down the stairs of a train station along with the human wave of passengers rushing to get to other areas of the station. Me being the lemming that I am, I just followed everyone else and crossed my fingers and hoped that I would eventually find my way home. The two guys I went to see the movie with were behind me and were talking about some lady who had passed out at the top of the stairs and they seemed a bit concerned about her. Guessing that she only had a short time before getting trampled to death, and being the hero that I am, I decided that we should go back up and check to make sure she was ok.

My superhuman ability in pushing people out of the way came in handy in making my way back up the stairs into the oncoming traffic of grumpy commuters. When I got to the top, there she was - face down on the ground, and limbs all askew. She started to push herself up, and I went to help her up. At this point, an old guy walking down the stairs who had been monitoring the situation, but apparently did not feel so inclined to help out, looked me square in the eye and said "You must care for her!" and then disappeared off into the throng of masses below. Having just watched Star Wars the night before, and having listened to Yoda for a good 2.5 hours, I instead heard him say "Care for her, you must!", and I found it all terribly amusing...


Anyway, I couldn't smell any alcohol on her, but she was clearly intoxicated or high on something because she threw her arms up in the air and asked me "Do you wanna come home with me?" "Maybe you should sit down for a bit", says I. "Nah! I'm going home - and you ain't coming with me!" says she. Its a little difficult to explain what happened next, but imagine, if you will - She then pushes herself up by leaning on the concrete column behind her, lets go of my arm, grabs the metal pole next to the column, missteps and places her feet at the base of the pole, and be it either momentum, inertia, gravity or the will of the cosmos, she successfully managed to swing herself full-circle 360 degrees only to come smack-face-first with the other side of the concrete column she had just been leaning against. I gotta say, though, she would have made any seasoned pole dancer proud. Anyway, she bounced off the column, and landed squarely on her arse. My friend had since managed to go and get the train station staff for help, but it turns out that they were the reason she was there in the first place - they didn't want her on the train platform, and thought she would be better off decorating the floor outside the train station.

[Me] But what if she falls over?
[Compassionate Train Staff] She'll be fine.
[Me] Not if she falls down these stairs, she won't.
(At which point she is stumbling down the stairs)
[Compassionate Train Staff] She'll be fine.
[Me] Not if she falls down these stairs, she won't.
(She stumbles and slides down the wall slightly before recovering)
[Compassionate Train Staff] She'll be fine.
[Me] Not if she falls down these stairs, she won't.

Tired of this fun conversation with the Compassionate Train Staff, I decided to help my new pole-dancing girlfriend down to the bottom, and which point she stumbles off into the crowd... never to be seen again... dammit! I didn't even get her phone number...