I'm slightly envious...

Here's a fun little party trick...

A 50-year-old grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng has shown his true mettle by tugging a truck across a Californian car park with his penis.

And it would come it handy, too, when your car breaks down. Imagine this - you've gone driving with some friends through the scrub, and your truck gets bogged in the mud or something... "Hold on everyone! I'll fix this.... zip... tug..." Saved the day again. Is there anything it can't do?

How do you train for this? Oh wait... I think I know...

Hell hath no fury like me

My life is so boring right now. It is truly astounding just how 'banging-my-head-against-the-wall' dull the past few weeks have been. I've spent nearly every single day - morning to night - working on the Negotiation/Arbitration Competition. And I'll be spending the next two weeks on it as well.

And I've started getting testy... not surprisingly. I must've read the 40-something page question at least a dozen times, scanning through it for facts that I may have missed before, and the other day (having been working on it for a month now), when my team were debating how we should approach a certain point, another team member who had been disagreeing with me mistakenly thought that it would be very clever of him to ask me in a smarmy tone whether I've bothered to read the question...

Anybody who knows me will be cringing right now, having just read that, because they would well be aware that that is exactly the wrong thing to say to me. Surely enough, the SEVEN GATES OF HELL proceeded to open, Beelzebub possessed my body, and I absolutely went off at the guy. I started off with a (sarcastic) verbal left hook - "The question? This one here? Why no, I haven't read it. Does it say anything interesting?" - and jabbed with the right for a bit, and then finished him off with a match-ending uppercut - which involved me telling him exactly which orifice of his body I believed would best accomodate his copy of the question.

Which brings me to my next point - that rattish, sour-faced little dork who keeps on staring at me and my team through the window of the door of the room in the library that we use for our meetings. He was standing in the book shelves yesterday, peeking at us through the gaps as we were waiting to unlock the door to the room. He keeps on giving me death looks - probably because of the volume of our discussions... but if he finds it so disturbing, then perhaps he shouldn't sit right next to the doors of the meeting rooms. He'll get a dose of Beelzebub as well if I catch him doing it again.

May the Gods protect any of the other contestants (or judges) who piss me off during the competition.

It's almost over...

Autumn

I went back to my host parents place over the weekend. The place they live in is really nice, and I wanted to get some photos of the area in Autumn because its known for its scenic vistas... but this year was pretty piss poor. The photo to the right is the only decent photo I could take - and its not because I'm a bad photographer. My host parents drove me up to the lookout, and it took us over an hour to drive maybe 12 km because everybody else had decided that they'd go and look at the crappy, smog covered city and its colourless vista. So we were sitting there in the traffic jam, and the guy driving the car infront of us decided he'd pop out of the car while no one was moving, and take a piss on the side of the road... right next to the window... of our car... facing us!!! Bastard! My host parents were pretty upset, but refused to do anything about it - they don't much like confrontation. But I do. I wound down my back-seat window and started pelting pieces of bread at him. From the surprised look he gave me, I guess he figured that what he was doing was socially-acceptable. I kept throwing little pieces of bread at him after he had zipped up his jeans and was walking away...

With any luck, I'll be going skiing this winter, so I can take some half-decent photos then... of me skiing down the slope naked, or something fun like that. That could potentially be very painful if I fall over, but it'd be worth it for the fun factor.

Finally, I have some videos that I recommend people watch. The first is Cane Toad - if you want to hear the Australian accent, slang and humour in full force, check this out.


Also, I don't know if this is a big thing on the internet, and I'm just late to the party, but some people at ps260 have re-edited some movie trailers. They only have a couple so far, but they're pretty damn clever. There is one for Shining, West Side Story, Titanic and Cabin Fever.

I want a mistress...
or a sugar momma...

It's 3:30am and I've just finished my writing up my contribution to a group assignment for this useless class I'm taking at university. In the process of procrastinating (it could've been completed in 30 minutes, but I successfully managed to drag it out into a 5 hour event), I skimmed through the magazine that my article is supposed to be published in sometime this year, just to see if its there yet (weekly publication). It's not, but as I was looking through it, I did come across some pretty funny personal 'friendship' ads.

I've got no problem with personal classifications per se, but some of them do make for interesting reading sometimes. For example:

Attached guy wants a mistress and race does not matter. Ladies step out of your regular life and get all the TLC that you can't get at home.

Classy. I like that he's upfront about the fact that its an affair, too. No messing around.

Have you ever felt like Cinderella? Can you fit into a clear platform shoe 23cm or American size 6? This Prince wants a Princess, now tell what thy seek of me.

No. No, I can't say that I have ever felt like Cinderella. There was that one time I had that slim-fitting blue dress on, a tiara in my hair, and I was riding a former-pumpkin to a ball, but other than that, I've never felt like Cinderella. A girl can dream, though.

Hello, I'm a foreign student of Photography. I want to take a picture of Japanese Ladys.

Stroke of genius, this guy. I want to submit a modified version of this personal ad - I'd write "Hello, I'm a foreign student training to be a nude masseuse. I want to practice massaging naked Japanese Ladys."

Hot blooded latino guy wants a generous sugar momma for romance. Find out if its true what they say about how good latins are.

You don't even wanna know what this guys email address is. You've gotta admire a guy who knows what he wants, though, and then sets out to get... or at least, sets out to get a generous woman who'll get it for him... Again, another genius.

Time to sleep. I've had too much fun for one day.